i am known for a stealth disappearing act. a professional magician if you will.
when the weight of my life gets to be a little too heavy, or these voices get a bit too loud in this big skull of mine, i will retreat to myself in true hermit fashion to replenish my spirit and recalibrate my internal gps.
these days, that looks like shutting myself into my cave-like brooklyn apartment, draped in blackout curtains and two air conditioners that don’t get a break, while binge-watching streamers (currently in season four of the handmaid’s tale) and petting luna.
of course, with so many moves over the years, that hasn’t always been the case.
a few years back, after an impromptu, but very necessary, escape to atlanta that resulted in a three-year retreat, my friends demanded check-ins. if i feel myself coiling or already decided i’m in full hermit mode, i have to say what’s going on.
it’s an agreement we came up with after being in community with each other for years. and as someone who deeply respects my people, i oblige.
and so i fear i did the same with you, with this blog and the totality of the lazy capricorn.
i remember hearing a wise Black woman once say, everyone wants a village but no one wants to be a villager, and it shook my spirit because girl, you ate that.
to be in community with others means you have to be someone worth being in community with. there’s a respect that grows from the roots of love and compassion and empathy when agreements are honored.
as someone with a pretty strict honor code, i realized i can’t ask people (ya’ll) to be in community with me if i haven’t been a good villager to you.
along with abandoning the community i was so diligently building, i’ve also been in hiding from those i feel i owed something to, for one reason or another. i haven’t contributed to the spaces i’m a part of (blackgirlgamers and blackskygamers), i owe some people emails (hey, maz), i owe other people texts (i see you, dume), and i completely abandoned projects i was once very excited about (jalen, our zine will manifest in new form).
but like i said, i always aim to do my best by those i respect. i know the expectations i put on myself are nowhere near what people put on me, but i can find a healthy, less hermit-inducing balance.
i am a good villager—or at least i do my best to be when i remember i am just a part of a network of many villages. as two bickering besties once said, i have the honor to be your obedient servant.
so here’s the plan, as we start a new month together, which also happens to be mental health awareness month so this feels very in alignment.
below are the next posts i’ll be publishing (in a semi-correct order of release, and without dates because i know myself). once these are up, i’ll share another set of headlines and project updates so we can stay caught up with each other, and also keep myself accountable, cool? cool.
the longing for employment: a reflective essay on my year of unemployment through the lens of studio seufz's the longing
icymi: april cozy game releases + gaming news
a sweep of my “currently playing” titles (the list is long, so be prepared to wishlist ✅, bookmark ✅, and buy ✅)
let’s cleanse this space: a proper check-in with an updated content schedule and exciting updates for readers who pledged early membership (you still can too ☺️)
i don’t argue with children: a personal essay on going no-contact with both of my emotionally absent parents, commissioned for mental health tings
may cozy games releases
down the rabbit holes we go: websites, news stories, and social accounts that led to interesting/useful/peaceful/fun corners of the internet
projects currently in development
what’s the mood? podcast, and soft launch of mood.theory studio
tyfrm zines 001 and 002
tyfrm installation + short film
the oracle deck, title TBD (anyone who knows me knows this is my baby that’s been a long time in the making, and i’m now ready to talk about it and share this journey)
that’s all i have for now. thank you for being here. we’ll catch up soon, friend 🧡